Girl, Please! Nonsense Women Say

Women are fantastic, intelligent, magical creatures of light and love. Well, most of us anyway, most of the time. As fabulous and magnificent as we can be, there are times when women say and do the wrongest things – myself included! I’ll be the first to admit that as a woman, I say a lot of things that men probably find absurd. It’s not as if I do it intentionally. I don’t exactly go out of my way to complicate things for the opposite sex. It’s just that our minds are wired differently, in as much as our role in the society is different than the guy’s. It is almost as if women have their own language, a hidden culture of implied complexity and severity, and it’s the job of men to decode us.



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Of Being Single, Kiwi Crates, and Cassava Cakes

By Dannabelle Gutierrez


I have been single for thirteen years. Let me say that again, in case you missed it, my singleness is thirteen years old. It’s funny, because there are actual humans of the same age who are getting into relationships and here I am, tap-tap-tapping away on a keyboard, sipping my tea. A few weeks ago, I was out to dinner with two very good friends of mine and their significant others. When youʼve been single for as long as I have, third-wheeling or fifth-wheeling is nothing new.


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SNOWREADY: 6 Things Filipinos Need to Learn to Survive In the Cold

From the tropical islands of the Philippines to the Frigid Zone countries of the Arctic Circle – mabrrrhay!



One of the most dreaded things about migrating to another country is the prospect of having to adapt to extreme cold weather. And nowhere is that more pronounced than in the case of the tank top and flip-flop wearing, Boracay state-of-mind loving Filipinos. Still, neither below zero temperatures nor frostbite will scare the determined Pinoy expat. Alas, our compatriots have not only chosen to migrate, but our communities in fact thrive from Canada, to the Nordics, even all the way to Russia.


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10 Luhoxuries that Only Overseas Filipinos Would Understand

#Blessed. That’s what people back home are, since the best things in (a Pinoy’s) life are just within their reach. (Forget the traffic, 2016 elections, and pabebes for five minutes. Don’t ruin the good vibes.) And while many take this for granted, most of our filipinos abroad choose to suffer in silence, counting the days when they’ll finally return to Pinas to indulge in these luxuries (luho) or counting cash until they can afford them at last—whichever comes first.


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Meet Consul General Paul Raymond Cortes, Dubai & the Northern Emirates

Hon. Paul Raymond Cortes, the Consul General of the Philippines in the United Arab Emirates, did not dream of working in the Foreign Service. In fact, as a graduate of Computer Science from the prestigious Ateneo de Manila University.


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Beating the OF (Overseas Filipino) Christmas Blues

Beating the OF (Overseas Filipino) Christmas Blues from Illustrado

By Lalaine Chu-Benitez

It’s the best of times; it’s the worst of times…

What could be bad about the best and most joyous part of the year – when everybody’s supposedly in high spirits and all around you are the dazzling signs of a holiday in full swing? Being away from your family, perhaps? Being alone, thousands of miles from home where the season is celebrated like no other in the world?

Image via shutterstock_85742344

Ever heard of “OF (Overseas Filipino) Christmas Blues?”

For any important occasion in the year – be it Christmas, New Year, Valentines, anniversaries, birthdays, et cetera, which is usually spent with family and loved ones – being away from home is always a tough. According to renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Mitchell Flaum, isolated individuals may feel depression during this time of the year as the traditional image of warm loving families during the holiday season creates expectations that cannot always be fulfilled.

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5 Things to Do this Month of December

5 Things to Do this Month of December from Illustrado

By Sherry Tenorio
When December comes, our lives are filled with activities that revolve around the word ‘celebrate.’ Back home, people have been busy shopping for the Christmas gifts, attending Christmas parties and thinking about sumptuous meals to whip up for Noche Buena. Here in far mid-east, we may not be able to feel exactly the same festive spirit, we know that we can still try to have a good time and enjoy the season. This month in Illustrado, we give you a lowdown on how to plan a merry Christmas and a fabulous New Year. Take note of our year-ender tips, and you’ll have the greatest month for sure.

Image via Flickr: Andy Noren

Give gifts on Christmas day

As the old adage goes, Christmas is the day of giving. That is why we should still adhere to the tradition, and live up to it in our own ways. There is no need to buy expensive gifts – meaningful gifts that come out of thoughtfulness and sincerity are what we have to give away. Box of sweets for office colleagues, small mementos to housemates, greeting cards and charming favors for friends and loved ones would actually make the spirit of Christmas fill the air. The shopping malls all over the city coupled with outdoor souks in Global Village and The Walk at Jumeirah Beach Residence have tons of discount offerings in time for the season. And aside from giving gifts to those who are dear to us, we can also go and donate some of our blessings to the less fortunate through charity organizations.

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- Nurture your spirit

- Ponder on 2014, and write goals for 2015

- Welcome the fabulous New Year

 

Nang Maghalo ang Balat sa Tinalupan

Nang Maghalo ang Balat sa Tinalupan from Illustrado

I miss my friends. Yung mga naiwan ko sa Pilipinas. Yung mga nakakasama kong mag-shopping sa Greenhills at Divisoria, lalo na kapag may Midnight Madness Sale sa mga mall. Yung palagi kong nakakaladkad sa parlor, sa sinehan, sa peryahan, pati sa cutting classes. Yung mga nakaka-telebabad at ka-text ko miski anong oras. Yung kinikilig kapag kinukwentuhan ko ng mga crush ko, mga naiiyakan ko kapag sawi ako sa lovelife ko. It’s a pity that we had to part ways. Some got married na and are raising kids now. Yung iba naman busy sa kanilang mga lovelife at careers. Ako naman eto, dakilang bagong bayani ng bayan – nagsasakripisyo para sa pamilya at kinabukasan kaya’t malayo sa piling nila.


It’s hard to find true friends nowadays. Mahirap makahanap ng mga taong makakaintindi sa yo and who will accept you for who you are. Syempre dapat pareho kayo ng taste – sa damit, sa sapatos, sa music, sa pelikula, sa lalake, pati sa paboritong artista. Kapag maka-Kimerald ka natural hindi kayo magkakasundo ng mga DongYan fans. Tamo mga Vilmanians, hindi pwedeng makipag-bonding sa mga Noranians. A Kapamilya will never like a Kapuso. Gets mo? Si Manny Pacman lang yata ang pwedeng mag-unite sa ating mga Pinoy eh. Teka, I degrees.


Hindi kasi ako madaling magkaroon ng friends. Ewan ko ba, pero mas madaming may ayaw sa akin kesa sa may gusto – feeling ko ha? Eh kasi kakaiba daw ako – weirdo, loud at eccentric. Yan ang madalas na first impression sa akin. Eh di ba first impression is last? Kaya siguro kokonti lang ang lumalapit sa akin – hindi man lang nila ako binibigyan ng benefit of the daw. Kasalanan ko ba na istariray ako? Pinalaki kasi ako ng mga magulang ko na huwag magpapa-api. Dapat daw sa classroom, sa harapan ako lagi uupo. Kapag may gusto akong sabihin dapat daw isigaw ko para siguradong maririnig ako. At hindi raw dapat lahat ng uso eh sundin ko, dapat daw eh magkaroon ako ng self identity. Yan ang mga pabilin sa akin nina Nanay at Tatay. Kaya siguro ganito ako ka-confidence. I believe in self expression, individualism and originality. Ayoko maging back up singer lang, dapat ako ang laging bida – parang si Beyonce, si Nicole Scherzinger… si Kuh Ledesma! Wala naman sigurong masama to aspire to be the best, di ba? Well kanya-kanya yan – whatever rocks your vote, makes no difference who you are. Yun na!


Kaya naman blessing in the sky for me when I met my BFF Sheila. First time ko pa lang sya nakilala sa office magaan na loob ko sa kanya. Pareho kasi ng costume sa Halloween Party namin noon. Habang lahat eh naka-witch at vampire outfits eh namukod-tangi kaming dalawa sa suot naming Lady Gaga costumes. Biruin mo, sino ang mag-aakala na merong ibang kayang maglakas-loob magsuot ng ganun bukod sa akin? Sabi ko, “Ay, chica tong gurlash na itich! Winner!” Nang sumuot ako sa isang gusot, sya lang ang nagtanggol sa akin. Mula noon, sabay na kami mag-lunch, magsimba sa St. Mary’s, mag-marathon sa panonood ng “Glee” at “Magkaribal”, mag-window shopping sa Louis Vuitton, mag-panic buying sa Outlet Mall, gumimik sa Chika Grill at kumain ng okoy sa Delmon. I also introduced her to my suking parlor, my flatmates, my carlift and to my significant other… si Adam my love.


Sarap ng feeling nang muli akong magkaroon ng confidante, alliance at partner in crime. Para akong nagkaroon ng instant kakambal – kasi pati sa pananamit madalas eh pareho kami ng outfits. Pati mga expression ko bukambibig na rin nya all of a suddenly. Finally, someone that understands me and accepts me for what I am – my new BFF! Kaya magmula noon I shared na my life with her, lalo na kapag dumarating at lumalabas kami ni Adam, sya ang third wheel all of the time. Pero just like in the movies, I soon discovered na Three is a Crowd pala.


Kamakailan lang ay nakigamit ng laptop si BFF. Nang matapos mag-internet ay nagpaalam sya at umuwi na. Nang gamitin ko ang laptop, naiwan nyang naka-log in ito sa Fezbook account nya. Bago ako mag-log out, nabasa ko ang info sa kanyang account. Name: Sheila May Smith??? Relationship Status: Married??? At eto na: In a Relationship with Adam Smith???!!! Teka, pangalan ng jowa ko yun ah! Anu itu??? Hindi naman ito yung Fezbook account ni BFF Sheila ah? So right there and them, nadiskubre kong may secret second account ang hitad. Binasa ko yung ibang info… Activities: shopping, eating, shopping, eating… Interests: fashion, movies, boys… Music: Madonna, Lady Gaga, Sharon Cuneta… Books: Macbook… Movies: Titanic, The Notebook, Temptation Island…Television: Sex & The City, Glee, Magkaribal… Hmmmm. Teka, bakit pareho lahat ng sa akin toh? Click sa Photos… Natulala ako sa mga nakita ko. Aba, puro mga pictures ni BFF Sheila at Adam – actually kilala ko yung mga pictures na yun eh – kasama talaga ako dun sa mga pictures pero na-crop na bigla sa Photoshop!!! Tapos yung mga solo shots nya puro mga damit ko ang suot nya… aba pati yung profile pic nya, kapareho ng hairstyle ko tsaka damit ko…Oh-Em-Gee, ginagaya nya ako! Stroker!!!


Tapos binuksan ko yung mga messages nya. Sa Sent Messages, puro kay Adam lahat! Binasa ko ang isa: “ Hi honey, how r u? Wen r u going 2 b bak hir in Dubai? Miss u much. I-T-A-L-Y. =) Mwuah!”


P*^%$#@%#*&^!!! Ang kapal ng fez! Nanginig ako…


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